Apple of my eye

Aspiring writer, painter, fashion designer, singer and dreamer…Ever since I was little I always thought that I was the least creative person. I would look at everyone else with so much envy and jealousy. Anything that I tried to do that was creative turned into a confused mess and with very little support from my family, I got afraid to keep going with fear that I wasn’t normal or people wouldn’t like my designs or ideas. I hid behind other people’s achievements which was eating away at me. My family didn’t share much emotion at all and I thought when I saw my friends parents holding hands or kissing that it was out of place and not right. Why would someone show affection? Little did I know that when I got older the family image that I always known was going to be quite difficult to change. Out of the blue came across an opportunity to move to Arizona with my grandparents after I graduated high school. I felt confused that I was actually upset at leaving behind my boring life in my mundane little town and I put up a good fight of trying to stay and came up with any excuse that I could. I didn’t like my life there AT ALL- gone through my parents divorcing,moved three times in high school, didn’t get along with my family, had bad memories of an unfortunate situation that happened when I was younger, got taken advantage by everyone and had no future of school or a career ahead of me. Sounds like I shouldn’t have any excuses with wanting to stay but I knew I was afraid of change. I soon found out change was going to happen even if I was not ready. I sit here almost 10 years later so thankful that I moved and went through my crazy life experiences and I have learned to not regret anything that happened. As the famous saying goes, It has made me who I am today. I have to say it has taken me nearly a decade to start to figure out who I am, who I want to be and to learn to appreciate all the good and the bad that life has for me. I’ve had very dark times when I didn’t know how I could live much longer with such negativity and depression and didn’t think I would see the other end of the tunnel- It took me about 4 years to work through all my problems that had accumulated from me hiding all emotion and feelings and my loving husband has stood by my side literally through all my phases I’ve had for the past decade. When I didn’t believe in myself he was right there believing for me even when I got annoyed by his persistency. I’m a strong believer that everyone has a great purpose that they are meant to do in their life. I feel once you get closer to this purpose, the world tries to bring you down and do anything to stop this purpose from happening. I’m still here and more determined than ever to figure out what I’m meant to do in this crazy world. This new decade I’m making awesome and everything that I have always wanted to do I will do and everything I thought that I couldn’t ever do will be done. My goal is to help one person in believing in themselves, as I had one person help me believe.