Hobby number one-check!

This has been the first week that I have made a goal and actually followed through!!! I notice when I find something that I want to do and I know I am passionate about, I will do anything to not make it happen. I was in a car accident a year ago and every doctor I went to would ask me what I like to do for fun. I would sit there and really try to think of any hobbies that I had and my only answer was that I was too busy with working so much I didn’t have time for hobbies. Oh and I would say going to the gym was a hobby. That really got me thinking…. Life is to short to push away your goals that you want to accomplish and there will always be obstacles in the way. At that point it made me very determined to have some hobbies for once in my life. I couldn’t always keep falling back on ‘the work’ excuse or activities I use to do when I was a kid. I put all my determination in writing down everything that I ever wanted to do. And writing was my first choice. I believe writing in my journal every day when I was a kid helped me get through bad times with family and school. It was the only way I knew how to express myself. That white piece of paper invited me to share everything that I was feeling. So here I am waking up at 4:30 every morning and sitting down and writing. To some people waking up early comes naturally HA, it is nearly impossible to get me to wake up early.This is a HUGE achievement for me and I’m pretty darn impressed with myself. If you have a goal make the time for yourself. It will make you feel so much better! I’m excited to share my past and future experiences with people and grow my knowledge in writing. So far I’ve learned that trying to write something funny turns out disastrous 🙂 but I will find my funny bone one day…

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Famous Last Words “Watch This!”……

Along long time ago there  was a timid  awkward 12 year old girl nicknamed Mouse. Her perfectionist mother took her to horseback riding lessons to build her confidence and of course live through her mothers fondest childhood dreams. So little Mouse tried to be the perfect rider she could be for her mother, because if Mouse had a choose she would be sitting in her room listening to NSYNC and Backstreet boys while googling at their poster’s covering every inch of her decorated pink Laura Ashley flowery room her mother decorated. This horse trainer happened to have several riding arenas outside and it was one of those hot humid midwest days. Mouse hated riding because her glasses would keep sliding down her nose with the sweat and the caked on makeup borrowed from her mother was sweating off her red and pimply face. After being critiqued for an hour in the hot summer afternoon to sit up straighter, have hands more steadier, chin up eyes forward and magically stop bouncing around like a mad rabbit, Mouse finally got to take a break. Her mother wanted to talk to the trainer in private, probably to ponder up the next purple and teal rhinestone custom fitted suede outfit that would have her standing out in the riding competitions like a confused awkward beauty pageant contender. Mouse saw a spot where she wanted to take her horse to cool down that was far far away from where the mother and trainer were strategizing their evil wardrobe plans. While riding her horse in the back pasture, Mouse started day dreaming about the hottest blond haired blue eyed boy band member, Justin Timberlake from NSYNC. She must have gotten quite distracted in her thoughts of making out with Justin Timberlake that she wasn’t quite all there. Mouse sadly snapped back to reality and got bored staring at the wooden fence as she rode her horse slowly along it. A shiny glimmer caught her eye and she saw this little metal like line running across the top of the fence. She couldn’t figure out why someone would put a metal looking string across the fence. She had always ridden in air conditioned buildings so this was a strange sight to see. So she looked around to see if her mother and trainer were any where in sight and thought to herself, watch this mother. She reached out to the strange metal line and hesitated for a split second. She didn’t want to be seen because her mother would think she was losing it and would need to go speak to a doctor about acting abnormal. Mouse got a shot of courage and went for it. She soon realized everything comes with a price. This one came with an excruciating jolting shock which not only ran through her body but the horse she was riding. The shocked horse kicked her off and bolted back toward where the mom and trainer were talking. When Mouse came back to her surroundings and found her glasses in the muddy spot she fell into, she cringed at the site of the horse running around in circles and her mother and trainer running toward her. When her mother demanded to know what happened, all Mouse could say in her shaky squeaky voice was “I was looking in the other direction and the horse must have touched the electric fence with it’s nose.” The mother glared at the trainer and asked, “Why do I pay you to have my Daughter falling off the horse. She’s not going to be ready for her next competition.”

Apple of my eye

Aspiring writer, painter, fashion designer, singer and dreamer…Ever since I was little I always thought that I was the least creative person. I would look at everyone else with so much envy and jealousy. Anything that I tried to do that was creative turned into a confused mess and with very little support from my family, I got afraid to keep going with fear that I wasn’t normal or people wouldn’t like my designs or ideas. I hid behind other people’s achievements which was eating away at me. My family didn’t share much emotion at all and I thought when I saw my friends parents holding hands or kissing that it was out of place and not right. Why would someone show affection? Little did I know that when I got older the family image that I always known was going to be quite difficult to change. Out of the blue came across an opportunity to move to Arizona with my grandparents after I graduated high school. I felt confused that I was actually upset at leaving behind my boring life in my mundane little town and I put up a good fight of trying to stay and came up with any excuse that I could. I didn’t like my life there AT ALL- gone through my parents divorcing,moved three times in high school, didn’t get along with my family, had bad memories of an unfortunate situation that happened when I was younger, got taken advantage by everyone and had no future of school or a career ahead of me. Sounds like I shouldn’t have any excuses with wanting to stay but I knew I was afraid of change. I soon found out change was going to happen even if I was not ready. I sit here almost 10 years later so thankful that I moved and went through my crazy life experiences and I have learned to not regret anything that happened. As the famous saying goes, It has made me who I am today. I have to say it has taken me nearly a decade to start to figure out who I am, who I want to be and to learn to appreciate all the good and the bad that life has for me. I’ve had very dark times when I didn’t know how I could live much longer with such negativity and depression and didn’t think I would see the other end of the tunnel- It took me about 4 years to work through all my problems that had accumulated from me hiding all emotion and feelings and my loving husband has stood by my side literally through all my phases I’ve had for the past decade. When I didn’t believe in myself he was right there believing for me even when I got annoyed by his persistency. I’m a strong believer that everyone has a great purpose that they are meant to do in their life. I feel once you get closer to this purpose, the world tries to bring you down and do anything to stop this purpose from happening. I’m still here and more determined than ever to figure out what I’m meant to do in this crazy world. This new decade I’m making awesome and everything that I have always wanted to do I will do and everything I thought that I couldn’t ever do will be done. My goal is to help one person in believing in themselves, as I had one person help me believe.